Tuesday, March 27, 2012

How to Fix a Bad Relationship with your Mother-In-Law


             For some women, at one point or another yo may find yourself in a place where you will need to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law. It may be a sudden disagreement, or a long term dislike, yet working to create peace and acceptance can be done the same way. Use just four simple steps to help fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law
The problem may seem to be between you and your mother-in-law alone, yet it will take both you and your spouse to solve it. Make an agreement that you are going to work together to fix the bad relationship with your mother-in-law. Any steps that you choose to make should be together, and your spouse needs to be willing to support you when necessary.
Going towards the bad relationship with a united front makes it harder to pit one person against the other, which can further strain ties. Your spouse can use his or her place to help promote closeness between you and your mother-in-law, reminding each other of the positive traits each of you have.
Having unclear and uncertain boundaries can lead to a bad relationship forming. You and your spouse should discuss what boundaries your family need to have to maintain a peaceful co-existence with your mother-in-law. Issues such as visits, gossip, and certain conversations may need to be discussed.
Different families need different things, and it may even be possible that the issue that is bothering you is not as obvious to your mother-in-law. You may need to explain the reasoning for your boundaries to prevent any further hurt feelings on either side. When you and your mother-in-law know what is and is not acceptable it can be a positive step to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law.
It can be easy to sink to hurtful comments and actions. No matter how bad things may seem, or how much pain there already is, if you truly want to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law you will have to start with yourself. Be as polite and respectful as possible, even when you feel angry.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to allow yourself to be a doormat. You can politely hold set boundaries and choose to ignore negative comments and advice given. Acting in a polite manner, even when things seem to be very bad, can have a positive impact on the entire relationship. It may even make an unhappy mother-in-law begin to soften towards you. When both sides are acting respectfully, you will see huge improvements in efforts to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law.
Past comments and actions have a funny way of placing themselves back in the light when new problems surface. For the sake of working to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law, you may need to work on moving past old hurts. Learning to forgive and forget can ease tensions between you and your mother-in-law, as well as make new problems easier to deal with when they arise.
Bad relationships can happen between anyone, but when it happens between two family members it can create stress and pain for the entire family. Taking steps to fix a bad relationship with your mother-in-law is important to ease family tensions. Working with your spouse to create boundaries and making an effort to be polite are simple steps that anyone can take when things seem bad. If all else fails, learning to forgive and forget may be the best way to move past old hurts and create a new, happier relationship.

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Downhome Pinoy Blues, Intersecting Life Paths, and Heartbreak Songs

Got my TV up for repo,
Same for the stereo too.
The lawyer sent the paperwork I got to sign,
And it all has got to do...
With losin' you,
With my losin' you.
Lordy I know it's got to do
With my losin' you


As "FOPs" (Friends of Pearl) probably know by now, I got a blues jones that goes way back (see, for example, Hellhound on my Trail). Some of you may remember my earlier writings about Lampano Alley, the Pinoy-true blue seventh wonder of the musical world ensemble often referred to as "Asia's Blues Band" (see Sweet Sweet Music). As promised in last month's column, following find a free association/rambling random reflection on their newly released album, Songs from the Alley, featuring just for fun the classic heartbreak lyrics of a tune written by none other than Binky Lampano himself. (I'm spinning this out as quickly as possible while listening to the disk in order to distribute advance copies of the column at tonight's launch party/gig at Kidd Creole in Greenbelt 3; so hang on to your horses, a-waaay we go...)


When I wrote Sweet Sweet Music, I had been regularly catching Lampano gigs at the Hobbit House. the traditional home of folk, rock and blues music located down Mabini way. At the time, Lampano was doing lots of covers of classics by folks like Willie Dixon, John Lee Hooker and Brook Benton, a sprinkling of deep blues, and a few originals. My immediate take on Binky was that he was the veritable reincarnation of Muddy Waters, what with his deeply authentic voice, intuitive just off-the-beat phrasing, and intriguing stage presence. Unfortunately, Lampano Alley has been in hiatus the last three years as Binky went to the states to care for his ailing father (who has now crossed the River Jordon) and Tom Colvin (AKA Tomcat, past master of the Mississippi Sax) began splitting his time between the Philippines and Mexico. Now, however, they have come together for a brief period for gigs around town and are - at long last - releasing their CD. It is a revelation, both in terms of production quality and content of the all-original sound track (it has also led me to reassess the Muddy parallel in favor of broader characterizations).


However, classifying Lampano Alley is not an obvious process given their diverse influences. The band has a strong R&B flavor, with diverse jazz and blues influences intersecting in strange yet elegant combinations. Of course they are electrified, but their phrasing is so sharp and the sound so wraparound warm that it almost sounds acoustic. There's always a little of that Delta-filtered-through the smoky Chicago bar influence , but I seem to have picked up on a bit of New Orleans (Dr. John), Kansas City (Jay McShann) and West Coast blues (Lowell Fulsom, Philip Walker, Charles Brown). The band's sophisticated mix of swing, blues and advanced harmony is about as good as I've ever heard, and that covers major bar hanging-out and friend-of-the-band roles earlier in life in towns like the Big Easy, San Francisco, Nashville, and Los Angeles.


Although Binky's voice is often out front, the band is always oh-so-tight with him, and the intuitive interplay of Tomcat's vibrato harp, Edwin's razor-sharp guitar riffs, and Simon's just-right off-the beat bass shuffling along makes one wonder how the heck this band sprung up in Old Manila.


Guess it just had to be.


Like myself, Binky grew up in a religious environment (see Yuletide Reflections and Faded Memories). But not of the Catholic variety, rather reflecting the Baptist missionary influence. The Reverent L.D. Woosley, a good ole boy Baptist preacher who subscribed to the Book of Hebrews' admonition to "provoke unto love and good works," journeyed to Manila in 1954 to save a few souls, and ended up staying until his death almost half a century later and building the Bethany Baptist Church from a fledgling congregation down on Taft Avenue into a thriving network of over 100 churches and numerous Bible colleges in the Philippines. Binky grew up in that setting and learned to sing joyfully in a choir ("Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away", Isaiah 51:11). In fact, Binky's singing style sometimes reminds me of preachers I have known... Of course, he didn't just listen to church music. He listened to lots of jazz, R&B, Van Morrison, James Brown, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, and there's a little bit of each of them in his much-evolved voice today.


Binky started singing with Manila bands in the mid-1980s, most notably with Dean's December (they had three well-received albums) and the Newly Industrialized Combo (NIC) beginning in 1992. At around that time, Tom Colvin, an erstwhile professional at the Asian Development Bank, was regularly jamming with featured bands at a series known as "Weekends Live!" at the Atrium. Stephen Lu, a well-regarded producer, introduced Colvin to Binky Lampano - they jammed, magic happened, and the rest, as they say, is history. Colvin's jams with NIC soon led him to take on the highly appropriate moniker "Tomcat".


Lampano Alley started gigging in 1996, with a long run on Saturday nights at the Hobbit. Unfortunately, Lampano's current reunion tour has a certain melancholy quality to it, as Binky will soon be returning to LA to pursue his business degree (a sad commentary on the inability of one of the country's most gifted artists to carve out an economically viable living here doing what he loves to do and what he does better than damn near any blues singer I ever heard) and Tomcat will be off to Mejico again.


Maxed out on my credit
Seen my life go down the drain
I got a message from the bank
That tells me so
Though I cain't just don't explain
Why I'm losin' you
Why I'm losin' you
Lord it just can't just damn explain
Why I'm losin' you


One of the great experiences of my teenage years was the first time I heard the Paul Butterfield Blues Band. By the late 1960s, a fair amount of derivative white blues was being marketed throughout America, but it tended to be either solo folk music or enthusiastic (but not particularly good) covers by British invasion bands like the Stones, Yardbirds, and the Animals. Then along came the Paul Butterfield Blues Band...


Butterfield was a young white boy with the gumption to play mouth harp in seedy blues clubs on the South Side, near the University of Chicago where he was a student - obviously something you could only pull off if you were damn good. The racially integrated band, playing 'lectric Chitown blues with intensity and grit, obviously worshipped the Hoochie Coochie Man (Muddy).


Butterfield himself, significantly influenced by Junior Wells, Little Walter, and Big Walter Horton, developed a unique harp style featuring much longer and drawn-out phrases than your typical Chicago blues harp player. His heavily amped Mississippi sax sounded a whole lot like Little Walter, but also owed a musical debt to James Cotton's rich tone and lung power; he also used his hands actively for nuance and effect, something Tomcat would later turn into a trademark in the Philippines.


Speaking of Tomcat (here's another one of those eerie intersections in unknown time and space), he had grown up in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. After graduating from college, Tom was drummer for a jazz quartet, which became a long-time hobby in between pursuing his "real" career as English and History teacher. He went on to study education and history in graduate school at Duke, then went on to teach for a dozen years, but always with that musical back story.


When he was 30 or so - a couple of years after I heard the Butterfield Blues Band and started searching for the roots of the white boy blues - Tom was driving along a highway somewhere on the Atlantic seaboard when he heard a band come on the radio, a slightly latter-day Butterfield group, during a period when Butterfield had evolved from the original straight Chitown blues of the original incarnation to a bigger sound featuring a couple of saxes and heavily jazz-like charts. Butterfield himself let it all hang out in long, drawn-out, jazzy solos, very far indeed from the typical riff-based blues playing...


Tomcat immediately saw the light - he knew that playing the harp was in the cards for him. I reckon the rich, vibrato-laden acoustic style he employs today originated on that long-forgotten radio broadcast about three decades ago.


Need no medication
I know I'm gonna be alright
It's just another case of never missin' the water
Till the well ran dry
Though I cain't just don't explain
Why I'm losin' you
Why I'm losin' you
Lord it just can't just damn explain
Why I'm losin' you


Aside: Returning to that theme of gospel and the blues, I've always had a thing for both types of music, even though in the deep South in the early years of this century the two were considered totally contradictory (never the twain shall meet, see Legba and Aswang). There were many traveling bluesmen in the South; they lived a rough and sinful lifestyle, traveling from town to town singing in juke joints ("jooks", generally nothing more than a sharecropper's shack with the front room furniture removed so folks could dance while the bluesman played). They always had lots of women and were notorious for getting shot at and such by jealous husbands and girlfriends (the most famous/notorious being Robert Johnson, who was poisoned by a jealous girlfriend).


The Reverend Gary Davis, born in South Carolina, recorded some blues on '78 vinyl back in the 1930's but never made much money at it. When he got saved he said "I ain't a-gonna sing no blues no more" and didn't. He spent the next 25 years singing on the streets of New York City and preaching in storefront churches, although he was originally re-recorded by musicologists like Moses Asch starting around 1955. In the early 1960s, one of Peter, Paul, or Mary (I forget which one) heard him singing "Samson and Delilah" and "If I Had My Way" on the street. They recorded his "If I Had My Way", allowing him to buy himself a house on Long Island that he called "The house that Peter, Paul, and Mary built".


Reverend Davis' incredible projection of voice and instrument, the raspy, loud singing style and the rhythmic pounding on the guitar, reflected decades of singing on New York streets. I've always loved the way the Reverend could segue in and out in a duet with the box, talking to her (the guitar) and tenderly calling her "Miss Gibson".


In that same vein, I've always been a fan of the Reverend Robert Wilkins. He began recording with Ralph Peer of Victor Records as early as 1928, then with Vocalion, he recorded on a field unit in Memphis. Among other songs was "That's No Way To Get Along", which the Rolling Stones covered and renamed "Prodigal Son". Wilkins, by then an old man, earned not a centavo, as the copyright had been usurped by a music publishing house.


In 1935, Wilkins was already tired of witnessing violence occurring around the edges of his jook joint gigs when he got saved and joined the Church of God in Christ. He promptly became a preacher specializing in faith healing and herbal remedies and turned away from "the Devil's Music". However (and here's the good part), he kept right on playing the same licks on his guitar while adapting the lyrics to praise the Lord (like changing "My Baby" to "My Lord"). Now that's flexibility!


My favorite is probably the Reverend Louis Overstreet and his sons with the congregation of St. Luke's Powerhouse Church of God in Christ, rockin' Black Holy Rollers recorded by Chris Strachwitz, founder of Arhoolie Records, in 1962. In the late '50s, Reverend Overstreet had spent his evenings driving around the bad neighborhoods of Baton Rouge, Louisiana until he found a sufficiently seedy locale, whereupon he took his amp and electric guitar our of his beat-up old car and talked the bartender of some beer joint into letting him string an extension cord inside. He then proceeded to preach, pray, shout, and sing to the pounding rhythm of his guitar and various percussion instruments (snare drum, tambourine) played by his four sons, trying to save the souls of the sinners and keep them from spending eternity in fire and brimstone territory.


Man may lose all his possessions
All the letters to his name
He gives a sweet hot deal to the devil himself
Just to be with you again
When he.s losin' you
When he's losin' you
Gotta be with you again
When he's losin' you


To close this ramble out, and to make specific reference to the "Losing You" lyric that I'm hooking this Pearl around, I've always been a sucker for a good heartbreak song. Many of my favorites tend to fall in what most would deem the hick category, whether that be Commander Cody ("my dog died just yesterday, and left me all alone; the finance company dropped by today and repossessed my home; but that's just a drop in the bucket, girl, compared to losin' you, I got the down to seeds and stems again blues"), Dwight Yoakum ("It don't hurt when I fall down from this barstool"), or any of a dozen Hank Williams or Willie Nelson gems.


Binky does it up just right in this song, which is Track #3 on the disk. His distinctly wry sense of humor reminded me a whole lot of the seeds and stems again blues. Lead guitarist Edwin Vergara and bassist Simon Tan drive the endeavor. Edwin's tone is clear as a bell, smooth chords and a pealing lead, with plenty of openness in between phrases due to the clean style. Simon's groove is nonpareil, with more than a few surprises for those expecting a standard straight ahead beat (i.e., excursions into off-the-beat jazzlike places, counter-rhythms where you least expect them, but then realize they had to be there as an organic whole). The band is fleshed out by sax players Rancis de Leon and Dan Gil and long-time Lampano collaborator Butch Saulog on keyboards.


Jeez, I just realized that Binky also has a touch of Mark Twain influence in there somewhere, I'm thinking of a Pinoy Huck Finn, given the gospel influence filtered through the latter day blues, and the music with its various and sundry hints of seduction, betrayal, double entendrés, evangelism and the missionary spirit, and self-realization. Anyway, to purchase the album, contact Tomcat directly (Tomcat@i-next.net) or visit http://www.narecords.com/lampano. The disk will also be available at the Magnet Gallery/Magazine Stands at Greenbelt 3, Paseo Center, ABS-CBN loop in Quezon City, Music One [Megamall and Greenbelt 3] and Tower Records, Glorietta.


Down to my last drop of whiskey
Hear the bartender yell last call
I got to move along
But I can't just seem to find my feet
But that don't compare at all...
To my losin' you
To my losin' you
Hey that don't compare at all...
To my losin' you

Credit: "Losing You". Lyrics by Binky Lampano; Music by LAMPANO ALLEY.

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Sunday, March 25, 2012

How to Fix a Bad Relationship with your Partner


                    Sometimes even the best relationships can turn sour. When one or both people in a couple begin to feel that things are no longer as happy as they once were, it may be time to consider how to fix a bad relationship with your partner. Making an effort to make things right can turn a potential break-up back into a loving, happy relationship.
One of the quickest ways to ruin a good relationship is to fight with each other. Using juvenile tactics, such as name calling and insults, may make you feel superior but do nothing positive for both sides. Instead, think about communicating in a clear and open manner. That does not mean that yo will both always agree with each other, but it does stop the hurtful things that can tear a couple apart.
Do not bring up past incidents that have little or nothing to do with the current situation. Stick to the problem now, and be willing to hear the other side's thoughts even if you disagree. If you want to fix a bad relationship with your partner, you must be willing to accept that your partner may seem the same disagreement through a different perspective.
When things seem bad, they can quickly become worse. One simple way to fix a bad relationship with your partner is to call a temporary truce and let tempers decrease. Forcing yourself to stop, calm down, and refrain from saying or doing anything negative can help you to look at the relationship from a new perspective. Some couples have mandatory truce times, such as ending a fight before going to bed or before leaving for work.
A pause from fighting for even a short period of time may make the relationship seem less negative later on.
Love between partners is more than something you have, it is also something you do. When it seems as if the feelings of love are gone, acting with love can be a huge step towards fixing a bad relationship with your partner.
Do something that shows love for your partner every day. It can be as simple as serving a favorite meal, buying a gift, or just being physically attentive. A gentle touch on the arm, a hug, and a kiss can carry a couple through a temporary bad relationship. When we act with love, the feelings can begin to grow stronger again. Showing that you still care is always important when trying to fix a bad relationship with your partner.
For some, a bad relationship may be un-fixable. Knowing when it s best to let go can be one of the hardest things to do, but also the most loving thing for your partner and yourself. If you are making efforts to fix a bad relationship, yet things continue to become worse, it may be time to move on.
Making an effort to communicate rather than fight, calling truces when things seem bad, and acting with love are simple things that anyone can do to help fix a bad relationship with your partner.

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Friday, March 23, 2012

Child Electrical Safety


          For parents of young children, it is vitally important that matters of child electrical safety are dealt with. There are many dangers in the home that could easily kill or harm a young child. Of those, electricity is one of the most dangerous and most common. By looking for safety issues in the home, parents can take steps forward in addressing child electrical safety concerns.


The most basic and useful product to have is an electrical outlet cover. These small, plastic caps fit into electrical outlets and prevent children from placing things in the slots. They can be purchased at most hardware store and general stores for very little cost. Using these covers in any unused outlet in the home is the easiest way to prevent electrical dangers.


The modern kitchen has many electric appliances that can pose hazards to young children. From the toaster to the microwave, any appliance that plugs in could be a potential safety problem. Parents need to make sure that there are no cords in reach of children, and that all appliances are far enough back that children could not reach them.
Water and electricity are a dangerous combination, so all appliances that plug-in need to be away from the sink and any other sources of water. The best child electrical safety measures are to keep appliances unplugged when not in use. This prevents the risk of children becoming shocked from appliances they can reach.


Too many parents underestimate the electrical risks that can be fond in the bathroom. However, the large volumes of water that can be found in the sink, bathtub, and shower makes this room a potentially risky place. All outlets in the bathroom need to be covered with child electrical safety caps, and any small appliances that are used in the bathroom need to be kept out of reach. Hair dryers, curling irons, and chargers for electric razors can all be dangerous items when dropped into water.


Yong children should not be left alone in the bathroom, especially when water is present. This goes beyond child electrical safety, as other safety issues can come from young children and water.


There are times when electrical safety needs to be heeded outside as well. Power lines outside can pose serious dangers for children who play too near them. Power lines can often be near trees and rooftops. Children that climb can become tangled in lines, or attempt to climb onto the wires. Tree branches can also fall or break, causing the electrical wires to fall as well. Tree branches need to be trimmed back to prevent this from happening. Children should also be taught the child electrical safety guidelines of never touching or going near a power line.


Some outside toys, such as kites or toy gliders, can become trapped in power lines by children. The best child electrical safety guideline is to only play with these toys in areas where there are no power lines, such as a park or open field. If toys do become tangled children should not attempt to get them down themselves. Parents should call their local electricity company to have a professional retrieve the items. 



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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Introducing the Lexus CT Hybrid


Lexus is going to try to sell the CT as a value proposition. “For just $1,000 more than the cost of a non-luxury hybrid, buyers can indulge in a CT 200h with our proven Lexus Hybrid Drive technology,” said Mark Templin, group vice president and general manager, Lexus Division. He says Lexus hybrids currently make up 90% of all luxury hybrid sales in the U.S.
Hybrid Namplate
Let’s break down that name. The “ES” portion is obvious enough, as is the appended “h,” which is attached to the end of every Lexus hybrid nameplate. We can safely assume that the “300? in between—like the digits in other Lexus hybrids—refers to a faux engine displacement. Fearless prediction: an ES300h would use a four-cylinder engine paired with Toyota’s Hybrid Synergy Drive system. This could either be a straight swiping of the
Low Cost Of Entry
In some ways it’s not surprising that the Lexus CT 200h bears such a low cost of entry. The vehicle is clearly youth-oriented, in a way that only the brand’s IS sedan, coupe and convertible have been up until this time, and its small dimensions would also seem to suggest a more affordable sticker. However, the CT 200h is a hybrid, and in the luxury world gasoline / electric automobiles are almost always saddled with higher than average price tags. Not only that, but the CT 200h is also positioned as a hybrid that offers an engaging, even sporty driving experience, qualities that frequently command a premium. This combination of affordability, enthusiast-oriented design and hybrid drivetrain serve to mark the Lexus CT 200h as a unique player in the eco-luxury segment.
Power
However, seeing as it’s the power that Lexus is boasting about, we pretty much have to focus on how the new engine improves the LS 460. Umm, it doesn’t, actually. It’s still as great as ever, not noticeably any quicker, and as quiet and pampering as you’d expect. Maybe the six-and-a-half second sprint to 100kph should mean something to me, but I spent all my time with the LS 460 as any normal owner would; wafting about at quarter-throttle and nodding off at every traffic light. I did like the ‘eco mode’ feature, but that’s always been there, and even with it on you hardly save any fuel shoving a 1,945kg heap of steel down the highway.
SOURCE: AOMIDNews
http://aomid.com/lexus-is-really-making-2011-the-year-of-the-hybrid/225327/

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